Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
