This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
