Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
