the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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