Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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