I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
