I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
