I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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