Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
