I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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