woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Found the puke drawer
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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