Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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