dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
