i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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