Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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