Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
