im gay
i know
yea but for you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
