Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize