Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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