Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
