Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
