In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
