He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
