I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
