I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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