im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
