and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
