similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
