You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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