You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
