I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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