"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
