i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
