Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
