Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
