I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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