honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
