Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Boobs speak an international language.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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