she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I need to stop coming to work sober
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
