I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
