how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
