I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
