how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
