If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
