Yo dont text me then not text me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
