I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
