Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
