i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
