theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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