i don't like sucking hair
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
