I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
