I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
