It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it's like iHOP with fire
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
