eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
