DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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