I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
