I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
