bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
