apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
